Attention Parents, ATTENTION! How young children handle positive and negative attention

     Children thrive on attention.  It’s important to give it to them often from birth on.  They learn how to do everything from the attention you give them and the attention they give back to you.  As a parent you may have noticed your child’s attempts to get your attention.  With babies under six months it’s usually done by crying.  As they grow older, as any parent can testify, it can come in many subtle and not so subtle forms. 

     If a child cannot get enough attention from you when they feel they need it, they will do things to get it.  Often with young children they will act “naughty” to get your attention.  They realize that if they are hurting they’re sibling or pet, putting themselves in danger or destroying things in your house they will definitely get your attention.  This kind of attention is called negative attention.  As a parent, you know that when your child is vying for negative attention it can be a very bad experience for the whole family.  It’s important to teach your child that seeking attention in this way is not ok. 

     There are several ways to help stop this behavior.  First, give them plenty of positive attention.  Positive attention is any attention you give them while they are being good.  Sometimes this can be hard to remember to do since, while they are being good you want to just let them be.  That’s ok, let them play independently, but pop in and praise them here and there for how nice they’re playing with their sibling, being safe, or playing with what they’re supposed to. 

     Second, ignore their negative attention seeking when it’s safe to do so.  Walk away and often they will stop what they’re doing.  Do this often and they’ll learn that it’s a waste of time to be naughty.  If they are doing something unsafe, try not to react to “loudly”.  Walk over quietly, direct them away from this behavior and give them attention if they don’t return to the destructive behavior. 

     Third, find the time to spend more quality time with your kids.  As I’ve said before, the best behaved kids are the ones that have parents that play with them, give of themselves to them and make them feel loved and worthy.  You took the time to have a family so take the time to raise them, you only have to for 18 years, and you’ll have plenty of time when they’re grown to spend on yourself.